The Girl Can't Dance
by EmergingEdges
Summary: "I want to date you. Marry you, have chubby babies, and dance together like no one is watching." Dance? That's right up Bella Swan's alley. But poor Edward Cullen has no idea the girl of his dreams has two left feet. Unfortunately for the public, neither does she. Humor and Love. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**The Girl Can't Dance**

**SUMMARY: "I want to date you. Marry you, have chubby babies, and dance together like no one is watching." Dance? That's right up Bella Swan's alley. But poor Edward Cullen has no idea the girl of his dreams has two left feet. Unfortunately for the public, neither does she. Humor and Love. Rated M.**

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_Chapter One: For Butts and Butter Knives_

There was no logical reason as to why Bella Swan was shaking her bum as hard as she was.

Sure, she could blame it on the music. She could reason that at the end of a long day, she wanted to relax. Hours of paperwork and fussy customers would certainly cause anyone to let loose.

But no. This was pure adrenaline running through her veins. Dressed in her yoga gear as she packed her gym bag to leave Claire de Lune Boutique, she swung her rear side to side like there was no tomorrow. She smoothly navigated her way around the office, bypassing her tidy mahogany desk and file cabinets that lined against the wall. Bella gave no thought as she popped her booty, jiggled her hips, and sung loudly over her earphones.

"_I like big butts and I cannot lie. Those other brothers can't deny..."_

It would never occur to her that even in the depths of her office located in the back of the store, she would gain an audience of one. By the time she noticed a figure behind her, she screamed loudly. One might even say a glass vase shattered in the process, but that would be exaggerating. In the end, it was just her voice that pierced through the air.

"Hello?"

In a defensive stance, she grabbed the nearest weapon-a plastic knife from her lunch earlier in the day-and stood with her feet exactly one foot apart. With a crazed look in her eyes, she inched backwards, her perfectly manicured fingers wrapped tightly around the utensil.

"Stay back!" she warned, her tone still rising above the music. "I have a knife and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Bella was no fool. Born and raised from the hard streets of Forks, Washington, she knew how to protect herself. Okay, maybe the term "hard streets" was hardly appropriate, but even in the boondocks, she learned a few defensive tricks. She hunted squirrels with her father Charlie for years, so that ought to count for something, right?

_Right, _she confirmed to herself. And sure, the man who appeared before her definitely didn't look like an ax murderer, but one could never be too sure these days. He stood regally tall, with emerald eyes and broad shoulders, his chiseled jaw holding a smirk amongst his lips. Clothed in an expensive navy suit, he held his hands out to her, slowly reaching one forward. She stilled, watching his movements carefully. He jerked the plugs from her ears and quickly jumped back before she could cause him harm.

With her plastic butter knife, that is.

"Sorry to interrupt you, but I am looking for the manager as there was no one out front." The man's voice was as smooth as honey, and Bella lowered her artillery. _Why didn't he just mention that in the first place? Instead, he just slithered back here like some sort of Snake Ninja._

"I'm sorry, sir, but that's because we are closed." Bella remained icily distant, irritated, and quite embarrassed. "How did you get in anyway?"

"Umm, the front door?" he answered, tilting his head in confusion. "Is there a secret passageway I am unaware of?"

"Dammit, Jessica!" Bella whispered to herself. She was going to kill her employee and dear friend of five years. Sure, she would regret it later, but it had to be done. Once again, she had forgotten to lock up the front of the shop, and now Bella was going to have to reprimand her. No more early lunch breaks for her. That would teach her a lesson.

"Did you say something?" The man quirked his ear forward, taking in the appearance of the beautiful young lady before him. She was dressed in athletic apparel, form fitting yoga pants in a turquoise hue hugging her curves and a sports tank which showed off her feminine muscles and lean physique. Mostly, he was astounded by her chocolate colored eyes, wide and innocent, yet fearless at the same time. Her curly tresses were thrown up into a messy bun, and even without an ounce of makeup, her skin was like delicate porcelain.

"Nothing," she muttered. "But like I said, we are closed. We are open again tomorrow, from nine to five. So if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be..."

Bella brushed past the handsome stranger, her gym bag thrown hastily over her shoulder. Her day was over and the last thing she wanted to do was deal with some picky customer who had some issue with merchandise. She marched out of her office, past the purchasing counter and towards the front door.

"Really? It didn't seem as if you were in a rush before. I was enjoying your little performance back there."

Halting in her steps, she turned without realizing the man was directly behind her. She was in linear contact with his broad chest and had to take a pace back to regain her composure. His eyes were melting into her own, but his playful smile refused to leave his handsome face.

"Found that humorous, did you?" Bella snapped. "Is that what you do in your spare time? Lurking into closed businesses, walking in on unsuspecting managers and getting your jollies off as they make a fool out of themselves?"

The man shrugged. "What can I say? I like big butts and I cannot lie."

"Argh!" Bella groaned in frustration. A business degree, years of superior management, and it all boiled down to this. "Sir, you need to leave."

As if to make a point, she flipped the open sign to the opposite side and shut off the lights. She opened the front door and waited for the man to cross.

"You aren't even going to ask me what I wanted? Is that how you treat all of your customers?"

"No, just the stalkers," she retorted. "And this is a lingerie boutique. I'm sure we don't carry anything in your size."

The man laughed heartily, the sounding rumbling deep from his chest. "Okay, fine, fine. I know a refusal when I hear one. I'll leave. But I _will _be back tomorrow."

He walked through the threshold, the Florida heat sweltering down onto the concrete pavement. He squinted his eyes and threw his Armani shades on quickly.

A stark white limousine was parked near the entrance and an older gentleman wearing a classic black suit was holding open the door. "Sir? We must hurry. You have a six o'clock appointment. You know the missus won't be too pleased if you are late for dinner."

Bella rolled her eyes. Typical. Handsome, rich, creepy, and married. No wonder she was single. Men were all the same. For some reason, Miami attracted the worst of them. She locked the entryway and started to walk away briskly towards her vehicle.

"Oh, and Bella?"

Bella stopped abruptly in her tracks, alarmed that the attractive stranger knew her name. Did she still have her name tag on? No, that was inside her bag. Maybe he read the awards on her wall. Maybe he glanced at the paperwork on her desk. Maybe...

Handing her a business card, the man's lips lifted in a snarky grin. "Beautiful job with the store. I think I'll just have to promote you one of these days."

On that note, he stepped into his vehicle, the door slamming behind him. It wasn't until the luxury car was down the street and out of her view that all of the blood drained from her face. The business card was elegant but simple, an ivory color with embossed raised lettering.

_Edward Cullen_

_Claire de Lune Corporate Headquarters_

_CEO and Executive President_

At that moment, Bella came to one hauntingly true conclusion.

If she ever met Sir Mix-A-Lot, there would be hell to pay.

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**Updates once a week. Thanks for reading! :)**

**-EmergingEdges**


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two: For Wal-Mart and Wine _

Bella's ponytail bounced in a swinging motion as she spoke loudly over music of the dance class at the gym. "Alice, it was so embarrassing! I have never in my life been so mortified. It was the CEO, for goodness sakes! What must he think of me? I'll be fired. He's coming back tomorrow and I'll have to pack up boxes. I'll no longer get a discount, and then I'll have to settle for underwear at Wal-Mart. I can't go back, Alice. I like the silk and I can't go back!"

Alice Brandon, her best friend and neighboring condo owner, twirled as she followed the moves of the dance instructor. She stood as close to Bella as possible, without stepping inside the box outlined in tape. That was Bella's special place-designed to keep her out of the way of the others in the class. Bella thought it was because of her unique skills, and Alice didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise.

As Bella shook her bottom in a way that was illegal in forty-nine of the fifty states, Alice, with her newly short cropped angular haircut and purple lycra workout gear, laughed continuously. "C'mon. it couldn't have been that bad!"

With the music ending, Bella kicked her leg high in the air-something that should have been added in the steps, or so she thought-and then wiped her face with a towel. The instructor gave details for next weeks class, and the women left through the double doors.

After ordering at the drink bar inside the gym, Bella sipped on a mango fruit smoothie. She moaned softly as the frigid temperature cooled her heating body. "God, that's good."

Alice giggled in agreement. "Best smoothies in the city, hands down. That's how the gym is making its money. Slimming us down, then fattening us back up. Organic, my foot. I can practically taste the calories."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean you don't want your drink?" She started to reach for Alice's cup but was smacked lightly on the hand.

"Touch it and you die, woman!" Alice threatened in a mocking tone. "Anyways, back to your predicament. I'm positive you aren't going to get fired. Otherwise he would have done it immediately. You're a smart woman, Bella. You're beautiful, you've turned that store completely around, and your sales are through the roof. Why on earth would he fire you?"

"I did the running man, Alice. The running man. If there's any motive to end a person's employment, that would be it. I mean, you and I both know I am the best dancer ever known. You see how our dance instructor Miss Cope treats me. She always says I am one of a kind. But Mr. Cullen is my boss. No matter how fantastic of a dancer I am, it was inappropriate. Plus, I can't believe I talked to him like that!" Bella sighed and cringed at the events from earlier in the day. Mr. Cullen must be appalled at her actions. Maybe she should quit before she was fired. She had her pride. The last thing she wanted to do was beg for her job, and try to convince Mr. Cullen she was worth her salary.

After attending college in NYU, she knew she couldn't go back to Forks. Her horizons had been broadened and small town life was no longer for her. Instead, she read about an opportunity on the internet for a manager position down in Miami. Never in a million years did she think she would be hired, but her perfect GPA and internship supervisor's rampant recommendations sealed the deal. The HR director, some guy named Emmett McCarty, conducted her interview over the phone. After a week of gnawing her nails down to nothing, she received the position.

The first year was difficult to say the least. The last manager had no organizational skills, so Bella had to start from scratch. She redecorated the store from top to bottom, giving it a sleek and modern look. Halfway through the year, she moved from her crummy, small apartment to a sophisticated condo in the heart of the city. That's where she met Alice, or Dr. Brandon, Clinical Psychologist of Brandon Mental Health Services. If there was anyone level headed in their friendship, it was Alice. She always succeeded in giving an outward view of situations and assessing them from a different standpoint.

"But maybe you are right," Bella resigned. "I deserve to remain manager. I mean, so what if I was shaking my butt? It was after hours. I can dance. I can do the two-step. I can dougie."

"But you cannot do the running man. I think society has suffered enough," Alice joked.

"Screw you. One day I'll make it big and you'll all be sorry," Bella laughed lightheartedly.

After confirming to Alice that she would not indeed make a fool of herself again, they parted ways. Alice headed home, but Bella had to stop to pick up something for dinner. After forgoing a late trip to the grocery store, she decided on an unhealthy meal from the local Chinese take-out joint.

_So much for my workout_, she mused. Sighing, she slid her key card into her doorway, trying to balance her food, gym bag, and purse all at once. Her condo had never felt so good, and she immediately tossed her belongings onto her large leather couch, chocolate in color which matched the taupe and sea foam colored theme of her living quarters. Candles and a few black and white photos adorned the walls, giving her condo a homey feeling. Her floor to ceiling curtains were pulled back to show the view of the twinkling lights of the city below. Rain was starting to pound against the glass windows, giving relief to the humidity of the outdoors. The solid, dark woodfloors felt cool beneath her feet as she removed her socks and tennis shoes. After a full meal, a glass of wine,and much needed bubble bath, the last thing Bella remembered was a green-eyed stranger entering her dreams.

Or it could have been a green man.

Alcohol has a funny way of sneaking up on you.

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**EmergingEdges**


	3. Chapter 3

_ Chapter Three: For Promiscuity and Promotions _

"So, did he ask you out?" Jessica, with her long blonde hair, shifted eyes at her boss as she hung lacy bras on a Swarovski crystal hanger.

"What? No!" Bella answered, appalled at her sales employee. Sometimes Jessica could be a bit dense. It was up to Bella to make sure she didn't infiltrate her nonsense on the rest of the world. She huffed and arranged a new line of panties on the display table. "He's got our paychecks in the palm of his hand. Do you know what kind of power that does to a man? He had a freaking limo, Jess. Plus, he's married. I'm sure he was more amused at my dancing skills than turned on. Or he might be angry. He said he would be back today. My nerves are already fried."

Jessica shook her head, humored at her best friend's fretfulness. If there was anything about Bella that troubled her, it would be her ability to over-analyze and dissect any little facet of information until it was destroyed to smithereens. After all, Bella was a terrific dancer. Julliard would accept her in a heartbeat. As a janitor, of course. But they would accept her all the same.

"Are you absolutely sure you are going to be fired?"

Bella straightened the last set of undergarments and folded the box. "Definitely. No president in his right mind would tolerate that sort of behavior from their managers. Or he might demote me. Maybe he's already interviewing new people for my position! What am I going to do? I love this job. I love my Mercedes more. It has a new stereo system that glows pink. I can't live if I have to give up my surround sound."

"Of course not," Jessica answered wryly. "Once he gets here, you have to impress him. Show him you deserve your position, and that you've worked hard at it. All he needs is...a little motivation."

Jessica grabbed Bella by the wrist and took her to her back office. She took a look at her simple white business suit and heels. Not bad, but definitely not impressive.

"What are you doing?" Bella whined.

"We need to spruce you up. You look too professional."

"I _am _professional, you crazy girl." Shaking her head, she watched as Jessica tapped her finger on her chin.

"Your skirt is too long. It's ninety degrees outside and your shirt is up to your neck. What are you thinking?" Jessica replied in disgust.

"He's a married man, Jess," Bella reminded her. "And my boss. _Our _boss. I'm not going to look like a whore just to keep my career."

Taking a few steps towards the door, Jessica relented. "Fine. Just make sure you take me to the dealership with you. I hear they have a few Chevys on sale this week."

"Grrrr." Bella growled in protest. "Okay, okay. Just promise me no red lipstick. You always look like you've been slurping on Kool-Aid all day."

Not the slightest bit offended, Jessica squealed and started getting to work. She pinned up Bella's pencil skirt a few inches higher. After removing the tacky offending blouse, she re-buttoned her blazer so that her bra was peeking through on top. She side-swept her hair and scrunched a few curls, holding it in place with hairspray from her purse. Lastly, after a few touches with a makeup brush, her project was complete. She stood back in satisfaction.

"Perfect. Just remember to-" Jessica halted mid-sentence as the bell from the front door chimed. "Oops, we have a customer. Be right back."

"Remember to what?" Bella whined, but her sales employee had already bolted. Bella heard voices out front, but ignored them, taking in her appearance through a small compact mirror. It was an improvement, but she couldn't believe she was stooping so low.

Bella removed her jacket again and borrowed a lavender lace camisole from one of the merchandise boxes. She refused to walk in public without a shirt.

_There, _she mused. _Someone had to have a little class around here._

If she left it up to Jess, they'd all be looking like rejects from a Pretty Woman casting.

With a new source of confidence, she left the office and stepped eagerly out to the front., smiling only to immediately freeze in her place.

"Ahhh, Bella, so nice of you to join us."

Bella only vaguely heard his words, as Edward Cullen smiled brightly before her. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Ahem, Mr. Cullen."

Edward laughed. "Call me Edward. I think we are beyond the formalities, don't you think?"

And then he winked at her. Winked! She stood dazed, watching as Jessica pretended to fan herself and point at him in the background.

_He's hot. I know. You know. He knows. The panties falling off the mannequins even know._

"I'm going to, err, reorganize the boxes. In the back. Nice to meet your Mr. Cullen."

With a dangerous grin, he shook Jessica's hand. "Likewise, Ms. Stanley. Keep up with the good work."

And with the giggle of a prepubescent teenager, she scuttled off, but not before nudging Bella in the arm.

_Nope, not obvious at all._

Edward was supposed to be conducting business, but he could not keep his eyes off of Bella. He could easily picture her as a runway model, not the manager of a boutique. He fought not to look at her long legs, or her tiny waist that was hidden behind a business jacket. But it was her voice that intrigued her most. Breathy, sexual, not the high pitched tone that had greeted him previously. Did she even know what she was capable of?

As she timidly pulled her skirt down, he grinned humorously. _Probably not._

"Well, Bella. I think you know why I'm here."

Bella's face dropped. This was it. No amount of make-up could cover the mistake that she was as a human being. "Yes, sir. And before you let me go, I just want to say, I take full responsibility for my actions. I do-did- enjoy being manager and I have learned a vast amount of information that I can use for my future ventures. Thank for the opportunity of being able to be a part of your wonderful and growing company. Over the years, I have been inspired by all that Claire de Lune-"

Edward stopped her speech with a wave of his hand. "Bella?"

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?"

"Once again, it's Edward. And I'm not firing you."

Too dazed to speak, Edward continued while she gathered her thoughts. "Why would I fire you? The store looks wonderful. Your employee speaks highly of you. I've also had a chance to look over your sales reports. They are fifteen percent over our other east coast locations. That's why I was visiting you yesterday. To congratulate you on being Manager of the Year."

Before Bella could stop herself, the rhythm moved through her body spontaneously. She was so thrilled and in disbelief of her distinguished award, her dancing feet moved on its own accord.

In her mind, it was the art of a ballet dancer with years of experience.

To Edward, it was the waddle of newborn bird.

Or a penguin, to be more exact.

_She's beautiful_, he mused. _Smart. Intelligent. Witty. _

But a penguin, nonetheless.

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**EmergingEdges**


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter Four: For Ledges and Love_

Edward stepped both feet onto the ledge of his seventy-five story building.

He swayed in a continuous motion, Miami's winds knocking him back and forth unforgivably. It should have been a beautiful day, the beginning of summer alerting its arrival with a beaming sun and clear skies.

But death doesn't care about the weather. It opens its arms wide, grasping for all of those who dare to enter into its arena.

Edward wasn't entering. He was running. Headfirst.

Beads of sweat trickled down his brow. He wasn't nervous, no. He had thought about this decision long and hard. He was ready. He had already mapped out his fall. He should land somewhere between his building and the printing business down the street. Yes, he had already taken into account he would be swung by the winds, probably falling onto some poor soul's SUV. Or it could be a local taxi driver.

It didn't matter. His blood would spray over several yards, his limbs broken every few inches. By his calculations, the city would have to pay several thousands of dollars for cleanup alone.

They could afford it, thanks to him.

His hair still in disarray, his jaw tightened in concentration, he bent his knees in anticipation. If he was going to die, he would prefer doing it eyes wide open. Spreading his arms, he swallowed one last time and-

"Edward!"

Edward jerked around and sighed. Of course. If there was anyone who would ruin this momentous occasion, it would be the man who shared his DNA.

"Yes, Father?" he sighed.

Carlisle Cullen ran to the edge of the building. "Edward, what do you think you are doing?"

Laughing without a hint of humor in his voice, Edward continued to face the city below. "I'm committing suicide. What does it look like I'm doing?"

Carlisle stood several feet behind his son. "For goodness sakes, the meeting is only forty-five minutes long. Is it really worth it to jump to your death?"

A click of of his tongue, and a shrug of his shoulders, Edward carefully stepped backwards, retreating. It was a pity. It truly was the perfect day to end one's life.

_Maybe tomorrow._

"Father, they bore me. They literally bore me. Meetings about what? Assets, rising stocks, investments...the board members-those old geezers- have finally pushed me to the brink. Why won't you let me die in peace?"

Carlisle chuckled and wrapped his arm around the shoulders of his son. "And let you have all of the fun? No way, my boy. No way. I'm VP, you know I'll be with you every step of the way. Now let's get back inside and you can tell me what the _real_ problem is."

After settling down in his well worn, but beloved chair in his office, Edward took a deep breath. His office was his home away from home. Leather furnishings, gold trimmings, and awards lined the soft gray walls. But none of it compared to the prestige of Edward himself. With eighteen locations based in the U.S. and three in Europe, Edward's net worth was around four-point-seven billion dollars due from revenues sales, bonds, stocks, and CD's. This home-base office was located in the heart of the city, remodeled to his precise specifications. All seventy-five floors-from the prestigious parking garage to the helicopter pad on the roof-belonged to him. "Father, it's one of the managers. You know, at the Bailey Avenue location?"

Carlisle snapped his fingers. "Ahh, yes. But the last Emmett from HR told me, they were doing very well." With his broad shoulders and understated suit, he regarded his son with a particular expression. The frown caused several wrinkles above his forehead, but only highlighted his handsome aging looks. "Is something wrong? Is it the merchandising department? Are items not being shipped?"

"Everything is fine, business-wise. But the manager, Father...she's...she's..." Edward failed to come up with the correct term that embodied Bella Swan. "Dad, something is wrong with her legs!"

"Edward Mason Cullen!" Carlisle slammed his hands on the mahogany desk, threatening to send the Mac crashing to the floor. "I thought I raised you better than that! You know we do not speak ill of the disabled. In fact, they are _capable._ They are people, just like you and-"

A heated flush rose to Edward's face. "Goodness, Dad. Bella Swan is not handicapped!"

"Miss Swan? The one that Emmett raves about? Oh, I've heard wonderful things about her. I'm sorry to hear about her legs. Is she injured? Does she need surgery? You know we offer the best medical benefits-"

Edward groaned and his head fell into frustrated hands. "Dad, you aren't even listening. Bella is fine. Well, physically. But mentally...Father, Bella's a penguin. She's five-foot-seven, has the best legs I've ever seen, is smart as a whip, and she's a penguin."

Carlisle racked his brain for an explanation. "Your manager is a sexy flightless sea bird...and that's why you wanted to jump to your death..."

"Exactly!" Edward blew out a sigh of relief. Finally! Someone who understood where he was coming from.

_Wait a second..._

Edward looked up to see a sarcastic smile upon his father's face. "This isn't funny. I went to the store to congratulate her for being Manager of the Year. Her sales have exceeded expectations, and if you want to be honest, she's _over_qualified. I'm lucky to have her as my employee. But I told her the good news, and...and...she started waddling! Waddling and jumping and spinning...there was some twirling. I think I saw a hint of the Macarena. It was awful, Father. You should have been there. That's when I made up an excuse to leave and headed straight for the roof."

"This 'waddling' as you have so aptly named it. You think she was dancing for joy?"

"No. No way. That wasn't dancing. I don't know what that was, but it certainly wasn't dancing. She's got a leg injury. It's the only explanation I can come up with. And that's why I needed to jump, Father. There's no coming back from that."

"And yet you find her attractive?" Carlisle smiled as he put the pieces of the puzzle together. "Son, when you like someone, you are honest with them. That's the best policy."

"Dad, I can't do that. It's the second time I've seen the woman dance, or defy gravity with those appendages she calls arms. What if inside Bella Swan is a five-year-old child? What if she crawled into bed at night, looked at the stars, and dreamed of being a dancer? I can't come twenty years later and crush that dream. Do you really think I'm that selfish? No. Five-year-old Bella needs me. I won't kill a dream, but I will kill myself. It's the only way. Humanity doesn't need more CEO's. It needs penguins. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

Musing over his thoughts, Carlisle wanted to give the best advice possible to his son. "Edward, this Bella...does she make your heart race?"

Edward nodded enthusiastically. "Without a doubt."

"Do you think about her all the time, even though you barely know her?"

"Absolutely."

"And despite her lack of respect for the skill of dancing, do you see a future with her?"

Edward paused. Did he? After all, he didn't truly _know_ Bella. But within twenty-four hours, she had stayed on his mind. Her eyes taunted his dreams, and though she was beautiful, it was her humor and personality that attracted him the most. He yearned to know more, to get to know her better. To see if she preferred Italian or Chinese food. To know her favorite movies. To understand why her legs should be serving a life sentence for their inhumane actions.

With his mind set, and a purpose envisioned, Edward nodded. "I do, father. I truly do."

Carlisle smiled enthusiastically. "Then you know what to do, son. You take that leap of faith, and you don't look back."

With a somber look, Edward rose to his feet and walked slowly out the door.

It wasn't until a few seconds passed that Carlisle understood the literal meaning of his words. He raced towards the roof entrance just as Edward once again stepped onto the ledge.

Carlisle yelled out loudly, just in time."I meant a leap of faith in _LOVE_!"

With the palm of his hand slapping his face, Carlisle shook his head in disbelief.

_Damn it, Edward._

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**I think this update was an early one. I do apologize. Too much Penguinella in one week can't be good for the soul...**

**Thanks for reading! xoxo**

**EmergingEges**


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter Five: For Escapes and Extraordinaires_

Two weeks had passed and Edward had yet to give Bella her prestigious award or visit the Claire de Lune store.

Instead, he sat locked in his office on a Saturday morning, completing paperwork and telling himself to leave and enjoy the weekend. Surely, there were better things he could be doing with his time.

_Go home, Edward. _

_Go home, Edward._

"Edward! Go home!"

Looking up, Emmett stood in the doorway shaking his head. "I don't suppose you'd like to tell me why you are still here?"

Edward took a sip of his now cold coffee and grimaced at his best friend and Human Resources Director. If there was anyone that held Edward in one piece, it was Emmett. Tall, what most women would consider handsome, and terribly annoying, Emmett was Edward's right hand man. They had known each other since preschool, when Emmett stole Edward's teddy bear. They had been best friends ever since.

Edward had entirely gotten over the fact that his friend was a thief. Sure, he had been deducting five dollars every year for pain and suffering, but, yes, he had moved on.

"I don't have any plans. These accounts are piling up, and if I leave now, I'll be behind on Monday." The one thing Edward hated was procrastination. And spaghetti. Both were equally despised.

"Those accounts are for the financial department," Emmett pointed out. "Let them handle it. You, my friend, need to get out and enjoy life. Go to the park. Catch a bite to eat. Go swimming in that fabulous pool of yours and leave all the hard work for us little people."

Edward laughed. "Why do I hear a hint of jealousy?"

With his dimples deepening, Emmett grinned. "Because I am. I can't afford a pool."

"Emmett, what are you talking about? Your yearly salary is half a mil-"

"Minus five dollars!" Emmett interrupted. "Don't think I haven't noticed my deductions, you nitwit! One stuffed animal and I'm labeled for life."

"I could sue you, you know. Ralphy was mine and I miss the little guy. We had good times together."

"Four whole years. I can't imagine the trauma!" Emmett replied sarcastically. "Anyways, you need to get out of here. This place is smothering. And all of these plants, goodness, Edward. It's like you are being attacked by a jungle in here."

Edward looked to the potted plants that surrounded his luxurious office. "I prefer the term garden. They are soothing."

"That's okay. Once you leave, I plan on suffocating them from all sources of water until they wither away. I'll get Jacob from the sixth floor to help me."

"Can't do it on your own?"

"Nope. It requires a two-man operation."

"You'll fail," Edward joked. "They'll find both of your bodies buried under a horde of flowers, with petals stuffed down your throat. Don't bring Jacob into this. That would make him an accomplice."

"We'd go on the run," Emmett reasoned. "He's a lawyer, he'd know where to hide."

"Yeah, two men running with orchids hanging out of their pockets. They'd never find you."

"No. not two men. Two men and a driver."

"Do tell, Em. Who else would be joined in on this getaway escape with you? Paul? Taylor? The copy boy from downstairs?"

"Nope." Emmett stalled a few seconds, building up suspense. "We'll have Ralphy."

Edward glared. "I hate you."

With a boisterous laugh, Emmett started to walk out of the doorway. "Oh! And I forgot to tell you. Bella Swan called yesterday evening. That's great you decided to choose her as Manager of the Year. She certainly deserves it. I knew it the first time I talked to her. But she was asking where her award was."

All of the blood drained from Edward's face. "Oh no. Emmett, no. Please tell me you didn't tell her."

"Tell her what? Don't worry buddy. She was under the impression there was some paper award we mailed or something. She was _ecstatic _when I told her the truth. That every year we hold an event for the winner. I was sort of shocked she never attended one before. But when I explained that there's catered food, hundreds of people attend and that there will be music with a real live band...boy, I had to place the phone down. She was practically screaming in my ear."

"Why, why would you do this to me? Do you even realize what you've done?" Edward moaned dramatically and thumped his head on his desk. Emmett didn't realize the repercussions of his words. Now, they would all suffer. Some would never make it out alive.

"What's the problem?" Emmett shrugged, confused upon Edward's changed demeanor.

"Em, have you ever officially met Bella?"

"Well, no. I mean, I conducted her interview on the phone, but when she had to overtake the store, Bob went for introductions and protocol. We were swamped that week and I couldn't attend. But I've kept up with her work. It's been wonderful. I don't see what your problem is."

With a determined mindset, Edward shut down the top on his Mac. "Emmett, come with me. I am about to introduce you to a penguin."

Emmett's brows rose. "In Miami?"

_Yes_, Edward brooded. _But with your thoughtless actions, you have now unleashed her to the world._

* * *

After a quick trip to the Claire de Lune store, Jessica informed Edward that Bella was most likely at the gym since it was a Saturday.

They drove down the street, and Edward was sweating bullets.

"Edward, what is your deal?" From the passenger seat, Emmett held on tightly as Edward zipped through the city with no regard for human life. Mothers held their children close and a poor man jumped out of the way just in time. It was quite a feat, considering he was in a wheelchair.

"Em, I have to tell you something. About Bella. She's beautiful. She makes my heart beat fast, and even though she tried to kill me with a butter knife, I think I love her."

Emmett gazed from the white knuckles that gripped the steering wheel to the eyes of his friend. "You love her?"

"I do. I mean, I think I do. I can't stop thinking about her. She's sarcastic, she puts me in my place, and Em, her legs...the woman is hot."

"Is that why you are so nervous? Have you told her yet?"

"No! I've only met her twice."

"So you love an employee of yours...that you've only met twice...who tried to assassinate you with an eating utensil. Please tell me where in this story I've gotten it wrong."

"Nope, that about sums it up."

"Huh. And fraternizing with a manager doesn't cross some sort of ethical line?"

"I suppose it does. But I'm the CEO. I can do what I want."

Emmett chuckled. _Edward? Arrogant? Not at all._

Edward pulled his expensive Ferrari into the gym parking lot. Once inside, they glanced around and couldn't find Bella anywhere. Edward made his way to the front desk.

"Hi, I'm looking for a woman. I believe she's a member here. Her name is Bella Swan."

The receptionist shuffled through a few papers. "Ahhh, yes. She is here, but she is doesn't use our exercise equipment. You can find her in a class in the back. Take a left around the corner, down the hall, and on the right, just before the water fountains. Her trainer is Mrs. Cope. But you may have to wait outside until their class is finished. It shouldn't be much longer."

"Thank you ma'am."

Edward shrugged. "Maybe she takes a yoga class. You know how women are."

Emmett nodded and they followed the directions of the receptionist. Emmett stopped in front of a large window, where a dance class was taking place. Edward looked around, thinking he was supposed to continue further, when Emmett gasped.

"Oh my God, Edward. You have to see this. Look in the back." Emmett was laughing so hard tears were coming out of his eyes.

Through the clear glass, was a woman in the back of the room.

While members of the class-obviously not yoga- danced to the tune of a hip hop song, one brunette woman stood out amongst the rest.

When the other dancers turned, she jumped. When they stepped, she wiggled. When they counted "one and two and three and four..." she moon-walked and played air guitar.

With a grim smile, Edward pointed. "Emmett, I want you to meet Bella Swan. Dancing Extraordinaire."

Emmett's face turned white as a ghost. "That's Bella? Our 'Manager of the Year' Bella?"

It took a few seconds, but Emmett groaned. "Oh no. What have I done? The event! She'll embarrass us all!"

Just at that moment, Bella noticed Edward through the glass and stopped mid-twirl to wave excitingly.

She never observed her arm hitting the woman next to her, or the topple it caused for the adjacent dancer. Like a domino effect, the entire class was on the ground in seconds, glaring at Bella in the distance.

Per usual, Bella never recognized the agony and horror she left behind in her destruction. In an attempt to show off in front of Edward, she stepped and danced over top of the bodies to get to the window. On her last jiggle, she tripped over someone in the front row and face landed against the window.

Her skin caused a squeaky sound and a trail of saliva dripped down the glass while she slithered to the floor. Emmett looked at his best friend in amazement. He was quite worried for his mental state.

"Edward? She tried to kill you and just laid out twenty women with one dance move."

Edward grinned widely and shrugged.

"I know. But that's my penguin and I love her."

* * *

**You guise! All the reviews and follows- I cannot even... It makes me smile in moronic ways. :D  
**

**I wanted to thank you, but Penguinella thought doing the cabbage patch would show our appreciation more. **

**More soon...**

**xoxo,**

**EmergingEdges  
**


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter Six: For Truths and Turkeys _

Bella was humiliated. As she glanced at the slobber on the glass above her, she fully agreed that this was in fact was not one of her classier moments. Way worse than the time some sort of air exited her lady parts when she was spread wide-eagle at the gynecologist's office. No, this went down in the history of embarrassing events. At least the gynecologist never laughed. In her face.

Sure, she heard her chuckling in the back with the other nurses, but not like the two men before her. Edward, with some sort of goofy grin on his face, stood alongside some huge bear of a man, with dimples and curly hair.

Any sort of breathable air releasing from her body would be welcome at this point. Bella nonchalantly wiped her saliva off of the window and hoped to hold some sort of dignity within her.

Along with any gas. That was most prevalent.

"Bella! Wonderful to see you!" Edward smiled, wrapping her in a warm embrace. "You looked great in there."

_Was he lying? _Bella thought. Her flying against the window with superman-like qualities was not considered 'great.' Unless...

Bella thought back to her dance routine. She had pirouetted across the room with the grace of an angel. Even the great had fallen. In totality, her dance as a whole had outweighed her ending. And thus, her dance _was_ 'great.' Her humiliation had not been in vain.

She hugged Edward back, trying unsuccessfully not to inhale his manly scent. The last thing she needed to do was sniff him until she turned blue. Passing out was not on her to-do list. But her nose was obnoxiously smelling her boss. It obviously had some sort of problem.

The man beside them cleared his throat, alerting them that he was still in their presence. "Bella, I'm Emmett McCarty. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Bella wrapped her delicate hand into his grizzly paw, recognizing the name. "Emmett! How wonderful. After all of this time, its nice to put a face to a name. What are you two doing here?"

"Err..."

Edward glared at Emmett. "I wanted Emmett to finally meet you, but I came to see if you would like to accompany me to lunch."

Since Bella had not eaten since breakfast, food would be welcomed. But she would dare not be caught in public with a married man. And her boss for goodness sakes!

"I'm sorry, Edward, but I think that is highly inappropriate. I don't think your wife would agree with you eating lunch with another woman."

Even as the words left Bella's mouth, she truly regretted them. What was wrong with eating lunch with her boss?

_Everything, _she mused. In her head, all she could imagine was trying to eat a turkey sandwich with some woman yelling and screaming as she found her husband in the throes of betrayal. And then Bella would have to stab her. Or hit her with a turkey sandwich.

Violence never solved anything, and that poor turkey had already suffered enough.

No, turkey attacks would not be conductive to solving problems. Unless it was smoked turkey. Then and only then would it be appropriate.

Edward cocked his head in a confused manner. "Bella, I'm not married. Whatever gave you that idea?"

Exasperated, Bella threw up her hands. "When we first met! Your driver said you had a date with Mrs. Cullen."

"The missus?" Edward clarified. "That would be my mother. She's quite finicky if I'm late. That's who I had to meet for dinner."

"Oh." That was all Bella could mutter. _Stupid, Stupid. _This was exactly why she was single. She was always coming to the wrong conclusions about things. Here she was, jealous about Edward's mother and prepared to attack the poor woman with mayonnaise covered fowl.

"Well...in that case, I would love to eat lunch with you."

_Or on you, _Bella inwardly mused.

"Great!" With a slight nudge in the arm to Emmett, Edward darted eyes at his best friend.

"Err, I guess I have to go back to the office," Emmett said softly. "Lots of work, ya know? Busy, busy. That's me. No, I'm not hungry at all. No need to ask if I wanted food. I mean, not that I need it to sustain life or anything. Nope, just lots and lots of paperwork. No food for-"

"Emmett!" Edward's eyes were staring daggers and he slipped him several hundred dollar bills. "Order lunch for the entire office. On me."

"Score! Thanks, pal. Nice to meet you again, Bella." Emmett grinned and walked away joyfully. "See you all later!"

With Emmett now gone, the two stared at each other, wondering who would speak first.

"So-"

"So-"

In a rage of giggles, Bella started over. "Just let me go shower and change, okay? You can wait in the front."

Edward agreed and Bella started for the changing rooms. As the hot water steamed over her, she nervously fretted over her upcoming date.

Was it a date? No, just two friends, casually eating lunch. There would be no dating bosses. That was against the rules. Eat, be nice, then go along home and act like none of this ever happened. One lunch, Bella promised herself.

Wearing a dark pair of denims, a white blouse and red heels, Bella threw her damp hair into a casual ponytail and grabbed her gym bag. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She took a deep breath to calm down and met Edward in the lobby.

"My car is here, so I'll have to drive and follow you. Where to?'

Edward grinned. "There's a nice eatery I love that has the best sandwiches and soups. They have a turkey sub to die for!"

_I bet they do_, Bella grimaced. _I. Bet. They. Do._

* * *

The eatery was extravagant. The 'sub shop' was a far cry from Bella's usual hangout. It was more of a five-star restaurant with white linen tablecloths and soft music playing in the background. The waiter immediately recognized Edward and took him to a table in the back with total privacy.

He ordered a bottle of white wine for the two of them, while they browsed the menus.

"Why lingerie?" Bella blurted out. The question was out there before she could stop herself. "I mean, what made you start a business dedicated to women?"

Edward laughed at her blunt question. "Don't worry, I get that all the time. Honestly, I love fashion. As a kid, I always had to have the best jeans or the most expensive tennis shoes in my class. I know that's weird, coming from a guy. Most teenagers were obsessed with girls or sports. I was designing clothes in my spare time. After college, I had saved enough money to start my own clothing store, but they were one in a million. Lingerie popped into my mind and never left. I thought my parents would be flabbergasted, but they saw my drawings and were proud of me. They helped me with my first boutique and it's all been uphill from there. I'm trying to make something different, imprint my stamp onto the world. Isn't that what life's all about?"

Edward's easy grin fumbled Bella. She had expected some selfish answer, about how much money he could make in the business of women's lingerie. Instead, he truly loved what he did and had a passion for it. His answer shouldn't have mattered; it shouldn't have caused butterflies in her stomach, or a smile to cross her face. But it did, all of those simultaneously.

"It is indeed," Bella agreed.

The waiter interrupted them, to take their orders. Edward never took his eyes off of Bella, or the way the candlelight glowed against her delicate skin.

"What about you, Bella? What made you want to be a manager? That's quite a feat for someone your age."

Her cheeks blushing, she explained. "In college, one of my professors said a quote by Jim Rohn, that stuck with me. He said, '_Pity the man who inherits a million and isn't a millionaire. Here's what would be pitiful, if your income grew and you didn't_.' I'm not a millionaire, I don't inspire to be, but what's important is how you grow as a person. I wanted to broaden my horizons, to push myself. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying. You are aspiring to leave your imprint on the world. My legacy is to help others get there. As a manager, I'll do my best to make sure no one else covers your footsteps."

Edward slowly put down his glass of wine. "Bella Swan, you are amazing."

Bella eased back into her seat, angling her head. "Only on Thursdays. The rest of the week I'm in hiding."

Edward grinned widely. "Oh, so you've gone from amazing to superhero? Isn't that supposed to be a secret?"

Shrugging, Bella continued to tease him. "Eh, the rest of the world knows already. You're a little behind, Mr. Cullen."

As Edward laughed, the waiter appeared with their orders, placing it before them. "Two turkey clubs, adorned with salmon, Iberico ham, Belgian figs, Roma tomato and organic quail eggs. To the left you have a Spinach and Mushroom soup, with dried scallops and sea cucumber. Enjoy."

Bella couldn't believe the gourmet food and or wait to devour it greedily. Noticing the dressing, she wanted to drizzle a bit on her sandwich. Slowly opening her sub, Bella screamed, filling the whole restaurant in fright.

In front of her was turkey meat, not fully cooked. It's blood dripped down her plate, oozing with a vengeance. The quail eggs appeared like dual menacing eyes, threatening her in their very presence.

The turkey, it seemed, was ready to fight back.

* * *

**Writing my next chapter now...You want more? Nahhh, you don't really.**

**xoxo, **

**EmergingEdges**

_*Dedicated to turkey lovers everywhere. And Mia, my real live penguin-friend who waddles and eats puppies.*_


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter Seven: For Lunches and Lions_

Edward looked on in horror as Bella squealed over her sandwich.

When one started throwing a tantrum over meat selections, it was time to reevaluate some critical life choices.

"Bella!" he hissed. "Shhh! Why are you screaming?"

By this time, she was a screeching, blubbering mess. Tears were falling onto the precious, delicious sandwich and now it was a waste.

"The turkey! It's bleeding! Oh God, it's aliveeeeeeee!"

Patrons of the restaurant rose to their feet, sticking their noses where it most certainly did not belong. Edward shook his head and stood up, wrapping Bella in a comforting hug.

"Bella, it's okay. The turkey is not going to harm you. Once it's been cooked, you can be pretty sure you are safe."

Shaking her head, she refused to budge. "But the blood! The absolute horror! It's going to get me, I know it is. All because I was going to stab your mom with turkey smothered mayonnaise and now it's come for revenge!"

"There. There." Patting Bella on her back, Edward took a good, long look at his date's sandwich. He pushed her confession of planned murder to the back of his mind, and decided to revisit that at a later time. "Umm, Bella?"

"Yeah?" she sniffled.

"The turkey...it's not bleeding."

"Yes it is! I saw it, it's right there!" Bella pointed specifically to the liquid substance that would now haunt her nightmares.

"It's cranberry glaze."

Bella stopped mid-sniffle and looked closer. "Glaze?"

"Yes. Not blood, just sauce."

"And the turkey? It's … it's not alive?"

"Nope. It's resting in turkey heaven."

Bella slowly wiped her face and Edward helped her to her feet. It was best that they leave, considering the angry looks of the staff. Edward cried a little himself, knowing he'd never be able to eat here again. He left a considerable amount for the bill and tip, and tried unsuccessfully to leave quietly, with Bella underneath his arm.

His penguin, crying over turkey. It was natural, he supposed, to be crying over a bird. Perhaps she was a vegetarian. He should have asked. She probably preferred fish.

As they walked out into the bright sun, Bella began to feel foolish. "Edward, I'm sorry I ruined lunch."

"No, you didn't. I learned a lot about you, and I'm glad we got to spend time together. Why don't I drive you home? I can get my driver to take a taxi here and take your car home."

Bella immediately refused. "No, no, you don't need to do that. I'm okay now."

"I insist. One second." Edward stepped to the side and called his driver, even rattling off her address.

After he ended his phone call, she stood in amazement. "How do you know where I live?"

Edward grinned. "I'm CEO. You're not the only one with superpowers, Bella."

Before she knew what was happening, Edward placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "C'mon. You've had a long morning."

Bella was still tingling from Edward's lips as he dropped her keys into the seat of her car before guiding her to his luxury vehicle. He shut the door behind her and climbed into the driver's seat. "Do you want me to stop and pick you up something to eat?"

He was about to offer sushi when she declined. "I'm fine. I'll eat something when I get home."

Deep down inside, Edward knew he was in dangerous territory. He was in close proximity with the girl he loved, despite her willingness to kill the human being from whose loins he was birthed.

Unsettling … yes. But enough to leave her alone … no. Even if it required years of therapy for her aversion to turkeys and mothers, Edward vowed to do whatever it took to keep seeing Bella. Even her waddling ways couldn't keep him away.

Within minutes, Edward pulled into the parking garage of Bella's condo building. Not wanting to pressure her, he walked her to the lobby, stopping in front of the door.

"Do you...want to come up? I mean, for something to drink? It's pretty hot outside, and if you're not busy..."

Slightly amused at her shyness, Edward smiled. "Sure, I would love to."

Bella's condo reflected the managerial side of her. Clean cut, simple, and organized, Edward adored her taste in colors. While she went to make them drinks, he glanced at the photos above her mantle, beaming at the childhood photos.

She looked about the same, only with fewer teeth and shorter tresses. She handed him a cup, with a frozen drink and berries on top.

Edward took a sip. "This tastes great. What is it?"

"It's a berry smoothie. It has strawberries, mangos, blueberries, and a special ingredient."

Edward froze. "And by special, you mean edible, correct?"

"Of course!" Bella took on her leather sofa, patting the cushion beside her. Edward sat down, refusing to take another sip.

"It's fish oil! It's very good for you!"

Edward bit back a hint of laughter. _I knew it! _

Bella set her drink on a coaster and told Edward to hold on. She disappeared somewhere in the back of her condo and returned a few minutes later, with a photo album in her hand.

"Pictures?" Edward asked.

Bella smiled. "Yep. I was just thinking how nice it was of you to throw a gala for the Manager of the Year. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am. Emmett mentioned it wouldn't be for a few more months, but...I don't know, it means a lot."

Edward glanced at Bella's grateful face. "You're welcome, Bella. You certainly deserve it."

Bella opened to the first page of her album. A chubby faced Bella stood in a ballerina costume, glancing up at the camera.

"My mom and dad got divorced when I was a baby, so it was always just my dad and I. He would put me in dance classes because he said I was usually wiggling my feet. Here I am in ballet class ... This is me at age eight, when I took tap class. I was _really _good in that ... Oh! I nearly forgot about these. At ten, I finally convinced my father to enroll me in hip-hop classes ... And here I am in high school. I didn't win the talent show, but I came close in fifteenth place."

With each page, Edward fell more and more in love with Bella, if that was even possible. Her eyes glowed as she talked about her past. In every photo, obviously taken by her dad who loved her deeply, she had a smile on her face.

"Bella?"

They were mere inches from one another, exactly face level from where their mouths lined up. Bella couldn't find it within her to breathe, nor did she want to.

"Yes?" she whispered.

Edward swallowed, the lump in his throat refusing to leave. He watched as her long eyelashes fluttered, her lips trembling in a soft rhythm.

"I'm going to kiss you now."

Edward's soft lips tickled her own, gently tasting her with the tip of his tongue. His actions were ever so patient as his fingers trailed along her neck. He touched her velvet skin, taking his time as he explored her deeply.

Bella shivered, her pulse quickening from the man who treated her as if she were fragile china. Her hands rose to his hair, and he moaned, adjusting his body to hers. The kiss deepened as Bella felt her head go light. Eventually one of them had to fold, and it was Edward who released.

Seconds ticked away as neither one spoke. Edward slightly pushed the curls that fell from Bella's hair from her eyes and kissed her nose.

"Bella, I've never met anyone like you. I know this is crazy-delusional even-but I want to date you. I want to marry you, have chubby babies, and spend the rest of our lives dancing like no one is watching. I know this is soon, but if you'll give me the chance, I'll make you the happiest girl in the world. I know I can never match the joy that are in those photos, but I'll spend eternity trying my best."

"Edward, I have a confession. I can't cook."

"You'll never have to."

"Chubby babies scare me."

"We'll buy diet formula."

"I tried to kill your mother."

Edward smirked and wrapped Bella into his arms. Murmuring into her ear, they snuggled up against one another.

"Ah, well, you did say with mayonnaise covered turkey. If the woman is going to go down, at least she'll go down happy. She loves mayo."

Bella smiled. "Is there nothing I can do wrong that won't scare you away?"

Edward began to answer when a loud noise rumbled through the front door. A petite woman, with a pixie style haircut, ran through Bella's condo. Wearing a full Simba costume and holding out a well-worn teddy bear, she sang loudly the tune from The Lion King. "IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFEEEEE! AND IT MOVES US ALLLLL! THROUGH DE-"

"Alice!"

Edward sat in shock and refused to move as Bella hissed. "Not now!"

Alice turned as she noticed Bella had a guest. _A very handsome guest, _she might add.

"I'm sorry Bells. I know we don't usually do this until five on Saturdays, but I thought you might want to get an early start. I even washed your Mufasa costume for you."

Bella's cheeks turned beet red as a single tear rolled from Edward's eye. With a trembling finger, he pointed to the stuffed animal in Alice's hands.

"Ralphy?"

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed an extra early chapter. I couldn't help myself! :D**

**Thanks to my new Beta, SunflowerFran. Without her ninja spelling skills, I'd be a grammatical mess! **

**xoxo,**

**EmergingEdges**


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter Eight: For Skittles and Strategies_

Edward trembled, rocking back and forth as he watched a petite woman named Alice hold Ralphy carelessly, as if he were a voo-doo sacrifice.

"Edward?" Bella asked timidly.

Edward heard his penguin's voice, but he was too far gone. Lost in a sea of reflection, his cognitive awareness flickered between the past and reality.

After all of these years, after all of this time, there was Ralphy, alive and in the flesh.

Well, stuffed and missing one button eye, but even so, Edward could practically feel his soft, fluffy fur. He could remember the good memories they had: Ralphy taking the blame after Edward stole cookies from the cookie jar. Ralphy, getting stitched by Mom after playing hide-and-seek with the neighbor's German Shepherd. And lastly, Ralphy snuggling next to Edward during naptime, before he was kidnapped and taken hostage.

The perpetrator had left a ransom note, written in green crayon: "_Giv me yor animl crakrs or the tedy gits it!"_

Edward knew, even at four years old, the sadistic monster was none other than Emmett McCarty. The largest kid in preschool, the bully had taunted him relentlessly for his bear. Edward had feared for Ralphy's life, making sure he carried him everywhere. Until that fateful day, when Miss Jane insisted Edward participate in Duck-Duck-Goose, Edward was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open. Like a vulture, Emmett had swooped in, taking the opportunity to steal Edward's most prized possession.

_Edward?_

_Edward?_

"Edward!" With a sudden pain in his forearm, he glanced up to see the Alice woman pinching his skin.

"Ouch!"

"Dude? What is wrong with you?" Alice raised her eyebrow, giving Edward a worried look and thinking that Bella sure did know how to pick 'em.

"My bear," Edward whispered. "Where did you find my bear?"

Alice shrugged. "This old thing? Some muscular guy out in the parking lot was parking Bella's car. I thought he was hijacking it, so I ran over and said '_Hey buster! Whadya doin' with my friend's car?_' And then he said '_Well, I assume you are talking about Bella Swan_.' And then I said I was. So he replied that he was dropping the car off as a favor for his boss. But then I got freaked out because he had this teddy bear strapped into the front seat, with a bunch of plants in the back. So I asked him what he was doing. Then the guy said he and the teddy were on a mission to massacre some plants. I was _really _scared by then, so in order to save the bear, I asked if I could have it. He said no, but I bartered for it with some Skittles. Then he said yes. And that's how I received this cute little teddy. But the last I saw him, he was jumping into a cab with a bunch of flowers screaming '_Die, you wretched hydrangeas! Die!_' That's when I came upstairs to surprise Bella with our Lion King marathon. But I can see that you two are busy."

Edward jumped up as Alice turned to leave. "No! Don't leave. That bear is mine, please give it back."

Alice frowned and hugged it tightly. "No way. I had to trade a whole bag of tropical Skittles for this bear. You snooze, you lose, buddy."

Later, it would be called the Yell of an Era. Neighbors heard it downstairs. Miami never knew what hit them. Somewhere in California, a dog whined in agony from the piercing scream.

Edward lunged, arms reaching out as he reached for his long, lost friend. However, Alice was quicker. With the speed of a young lion, she jumped to the left, leaving poor Edward slamming to the wooden floors.

All Bella could do was watch. In Edward's defense, she was immediately by his side. "Edward! Are you okay?" She was quite alarmed by the amount of blood that appeared on his upper lip.

With his pride hurt and his bear far from his repossession, Edward retreated in defeat. "Bella, I'm sorry, but I have to go. I need some time. I'm sorry."

As he shut the door behind him, he heard Alice's voice whining. "I know, Bells, but they were tropical!"

Edward vowed to redeem Ralphy if it was the last thing he did. But first, Emmett McCarty had to die.

* * *

After three days of avoiding Bella and life in general, Edward finally returned to work.

All those who crossed his path avoided him at all costs. Perhaps it was the depression in his eyes that kept everyone away. Or the chaotic mess of his undone hair. Mostly, it was his graphic t-shirt that read 'Leave Me Alone.'

So his minions faithfully listened, steering clear of Edward by no less than five feet. But not Emmett, he barged in, stuffing his face with some sort of chocolate dessert.

"Edward, where the heck have you been?" Emmett was making a mess, dropping chocolate crumbs onto Edward's pristine carpet. "We've missed you around here."

"Get out, Emmett. I'm not speaking to you for the next century; perhaps not even then."

"What did I do?" Emmett feigned confusion, as he licked his fingers one by one. While he was concerned for his friend's welfare, he was more worried for the crumbs that had escaped his wrath.

"What did you do? What did you do?" Edward's complexion turned a crimson shade as he got angrier with each syllable. "You sold Ralphy to a midget woman named Alice for a bag of Skittles! Skittles? By God, Em, have you no shame? No self-worth? M&M's I understand. But Skittles? Now she won't return my bear! This is your fault!"

"Oh." Emmett pouted as he realized his mistake. "Edward, I'm sorry. Ol' man Embry was supposed to return Bella's car, but his daughter got sick, so I offered to do it for him. And Ralphy, well, he was just collateral damage. The woman had candy, Ed. It was an offer I couldn't refuse."

"And my plants?" Edward questioned, looking at his nearly empty office.

"They went down peacefully. One softly cried 'Mama, I'm drowning,' but I silenced their cries before they had a chance to fight back. In case you're worried, I did say a prayer. I'm not a barbarian."

Edward rose from his chair, pointing a stern finger at Emmett. "Em, this is not a game. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I finally told Bella how I felt, and now it's ruined because of your shenanigans. Get. Me. My. Ralphy."

Emmett retreated a fearful step back. He had never seen his friend so outraged, or so lonely. He had finally found love and because of his sweet tooth, he had destroyed everything. He vowed to make things right.

"Edward, if it's the last thing I do, we'll get your penguin and your teddy back."

Edward looked hopeful for the first time in days. "What do you suppose we do?"

The two men sat in silence for a few minutes, before Edward snapped his fingers. "I've got it Em, so get ready. We need duct tape, a black trash bag, some rope, a bag of Skittles, and a pop CD."

"A CD?" Emmett questioned. Why in the world did they need- _Oh no._ "No, Edward. Tell me you're joking. Say it ain't so."

Edward laughed evilly. "Oh yes, I have a plan to get my woman back, my bear, _and _annihilate the midget. She won't know what hit her."

On the other side of the city, Bella was selling a nightie to a customer, but her heart just wasn't in it. A few blocks away, an unsuspecting Alice sat in her office, listening to her client drone on about their personal problems.

What neither of them knew, is that their lives were about to change forever.

Edward had devised a plan so devious, so malicious, so _vile_, it would be talked about for generations to come.

A woeful Emmett stared at Edward, quickly regretting the decisions he made earlier in the week. The duct tape-he understood. The rope-he knew they needed.

But the Justin Bieber CD?

No one would survive the devastation. No one.

* * *

**Over 100 Reviews?! How do I thank you all? With turkey sandwiches and a waddling penguin?**

***throws confetti for nebfan51, the 100th reviewer* Congrats!**

**EmergingEdges**


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